Guidelines for Parent/Child Communication

Good communication is an important parenting skill. Parenting can be more enjoyable when positive parent – child relationship is established. Whether you are parenting a toddler or a teenager, good communication is the key to building self-esteem as well a mutual respect.

Basic Principles of Good Parent/Child Communication

•  Let the child know that you are interested and involved and that you will help when needed.

• Turn off the television or put the newspaper down when your child wants to converse.

• Avoid taking a telephone call when the child has something important to tell you.

• Unless other people are specifically meant to be included, hold conversations in privacy. The  best communication between you and the child will occur when others are not around.

• Embarrassing the child or putting him on the spot in front of others will lead only to  resentment and hostility, not good communication.

• Don’t tower over your child. Physically get down to the child’s level then talk.

• If you are very angry about a behavior or an incident, don’t attempt communications until you  regain your cool, because you cannot be objective until then. It is better to stop, settle down,  and talk to the child later.
•  If you are very tired, you will have to make an extra effort to be an active listener. Genuine active listening is hard work and is very difficult when your mind and body are already tired.

• Listen carefully and politely. Don’t interrupt the child when he is trying to tell his story. Be as courteous to your child as you would be to your best friend.

Tips for Beginning Child Care Providers

1.    Learn from others. Listen to more experienced mentors. Observe how they handle disruptive situations. Watch how they diffuse a tense situation.

2.    Expect great things to happen. Be excited about your work each day. A child’s first teacher is often the one he or she remembers the most. You could be that person in the life of the children you teach.

3.    Learn to be flexible. Although young children need a consistent schedule, allow for the unexpected. What if snow starts falling? Or, a bulldozer is working nearby? Or, a helicopter hovers overhead? Make use of these teachable moments.

4.    Leave personal problems at home. Begin each day with a warm, friendly greeting for each child who enters your program. Tuck personal problems away until later. A smile reassures parents that you will care for their child until they return.

5.    Maintain a clean, safe environment. Is your program one in which you would want your own child to spend the day? Look around. Make a list of potential hazards. Prevention could keep an accident from happening.

6.    Respect individual differences in each child. Realize that each child has a different learning style. Some children learn the best in a visual mode, such as watching a demonstration. Others learn in an auditory mode, such as listening to instruction. Still others learn best in a kinesthetic style which includes using the hands to feel, touch, and explore. Research shows that teachers usually teach in the mode in which they learn best. Evaluate each child and find his or her best learning style.

7.    Develop a primary bonding process. Some of your children may be from homeless shelters or dysfunctional families. They may exhibit aggressive behavior, signs of withdrawal, or disruptive conduct. Realize that a structured environment, consistent daily routine, and shared control between adult and child are critical to the distressed child to take ownership of their learning.

Sing songs with your child and build in opportunities for him to take turns

Sing simple songs with your child, especially ones with actions, like “Row Row Row your Boat”, and build in opportunities for him to participate. This is a fun way for him to learn to take his turn in an interaction, as well as to learn new words.

Sing a new song the same way a few times so your child learns the song and its “high point”. High points are the most interesting parts of a song. In “Row, Row, Row your Boat”, the high points are the rocking back and forth while you and your child sit on the floor, holding outstretched hands, and saying the last word after a long pause – i.e., “dream”.

Once your child is familiar with the song, pause before a high point and wait for him to respond.

For example, when singing “Row Row Row your Boat”, sing the song through once or twice and then, still holding his hands, WAIT for him to ask you to sing it again (he will probably make a sound or rock back and forth to ask you to do it again).

Or, you can start to sing the song while rocking back and forth, pausing mid-song so he can ask you to continue.

Or, you can slow down and pause before the last word (“dream”), so he can make a sound - any sound - to end the song.

To take his turn during songs, your child may wriggle, make a sound, look at you, point to something or perform an action. Accept anything as his turn and then continue immediately. The most important thing is that he takes a turn and has fun while doing it.

Tips to help parents pick the best preschool

1. Make sure that the ABCs and 123s are a key part of the school's learning goals.
Early reading, for example, is a predictor of later success in life, so being able to get ahead or catch up in preschool is key. We know focus on cognitive areas such as ABCs and 123s matters enormously. For example, how well a child reads at the end of first grade predicts how well they read in later grades, graduation rates and even their income level as an adult. The very best preschools help ready children advance beyond age norms, but they also nurture children who are behind so they catch up in these early years. 

2. Ask how "play" is woven into the day, particularly imaginative and physical play. 
It might seem counter to the first tip about reading and math. Most parents assume if there is a focus on ABCs and 123s, it is drill and kill, and there is little room for play. Great preschools do both, and success in the early years of a child's education often allows children opportunities to explore the building blocks of literacy and math through play.

Other kinds of play are just essential as well. Imaginative play, for example. Some form of daily "pretend play" improves emotional/behavioral skills. And emotional/behavioral skills predict academic performance later. When you visit the school, look for a costume corner, art up on the walls, pretend kitchen sets and pairs or small groups of children working together creating and collaborating.

Some sort of physical play helping children develop gross motor skills matters, too. There is a direct correlation between the gross motor skill development of a pre-schooler and long-term health. Ask whether outside play is a part of a typical day. And also observe when you visit the school if there is room for kids to run around. Does the school have a climbing structure, tricycles, and balls for children to throw?

3. Ask if children are able to choose some of their activities during the day.
Studies show that children who get to choose some activities preschool have better life outcomes. Studies show that when children have the chance to make choices at the tender age of 3 or 4, rather than having all dictated by teacher, they have better long term social and life outcomes on a variety of measures.

So, while you want to be sure that there are a variety of materials designed to help kids with literacy, math, time — and — space, and science skills, for example, you also want to be sure that the day is peppered with opportunities for your child to choose his own activities, and is not simply teacher-led instruction. Looking at a school's schedule can be quite useful on this. See if there are windows of time that are dedicated to play and/or if there are stations where children are able to choose what to do.

4. Look for close alignment with "home values."
The way the school handles social and emotional issues should be similar to your approach at home. Consistency for preschool age children is essential in helping them develop. One way to learn more about the school's approach is to ask the teachers or director a role playing scenario. You might ask if two children always played together and one day one of the two decides to play with another child and leaves his friend behind, how the teacher might handle that situation. And then think about whether that approach is the same one you would have taken.