Identify the Family Rules

Identify and clearly define the rules that are important for your family. Family rules may be specific to a situation, like dinner time rules, or they can be specific to behaviors that are never okay, like running in the house, hitting a sibling, or jumping on furniture. Family rules should be important enough that you have no problem consistently enforcing them.

When you first start using family rules, you may need to choose which problem behaviors to address first. Toddlers and preschoolers can only learn and remember two to three rules at any one time. It is also hard for parents to consistently enforce lots of new rules. It is a good idea to start with just one rule and add new rules as needed over time. This gives children a chance to learn a rule and how family rules work before others are added.

Rules are easier to follow when they are clear, exact, and can be easily explained to your child. Family rules focus on one specific behavior at a time. Avoid vague rules, such as “be good.” “Be good” includes many different things and could be hard for a child to understand and do. A more specific rule would be “Talk nicely to others.”

Family rules also should be realistic and fit your child’s age. The rule should be something that your toddler and preschooler can obey. Other approaches may work better than family rules for minor behavior problems or misbehaviors that do not occur often.